I just watched Guardians of the Galaxy and it was soooo good.

Remind me never to go out to eat again with my friends who don’t tip. My meal only cost $6.50 and I somehow ended up spending $12.  That is fucking ridiculous. Just be a decent human being.  

If I spot you $3 because there is a $10 minimum for cards, add that $3 to your nonexistent tip.


I had to get my blood drawn three times this morning and they took two from the same arm and now they are bruising and I look like a junkie…

just paid a bunch of bills and now I am entirely broke. i really need a second job again.

Cuddle buddies.

all i’ve done since i got home from work is complain about boys via text message and watch an episode of Drunk History

Sometimes I think I want a boyfriend. Then I think about how much I love being selfish and sleeping in other boys’ beds when I feel like it.


If I’m just bad news, then you’re a liar

  • Guy: my dick is hard
  • Girl: to find


my soul mate is most likely a grilled cheese